Wherein I snark about some of the recently announced GRAMMY nominations:
Best New Artist:
- Ciara -- whateva
- Fall Out Boy -- someone explain to me the appeal of this band
- Keane -- Yawne
- SugarLand -- Who?
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
- Good Is Good - Sheryl Crow -- Sheryl could sneeze into a microphone and it would get nominated for a GRAMMY
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance
- Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson -- Are you kidding me??? I always picture his producer having to go into the vocal booth and poke Jack with a stick to see if he's still awake. Does lazy whisper-talk-singing count as a pop vocal performance?? (No. No it does not.)
Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal
- Don't Lie - The Black Eyed Peas -- My dear friend Chris was a writer on this song. Congratulations Chris!
- More Than Love - Los Lonely Boys -- Haven't Los Lonely Boys jumped the shark for the GRAMMY voters? Apparently not.
- My Doorbell -- The White Stripes -- Ah yes, my favorite "pop duo."
Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals
These pairings make me feel ill. If you want a GRAMMY nomination, just get Norah Jones to sing on one of your songs with you.
- Gone Going -- The Black Eyed Peas & Jack Johnson
- Virginia Moon -- Foo Fighters Featuring Norah Jones
Best Pop Vocal Album
Extraordinary Machine -- Fiona Apple -- I'm thinking about the A&R guy who told Fiona he "didn't hear a single" and decided not to release this album...until there was a petition from her fans and mass copying and sharing and multiple radio stations started playing it. Then someone thought, 'hmm, maybe the label should release this record.' Cut to this week, when all those Sony employees are sitting around patting each other on the back for another GRAMMY nomination.
Rock Categories: lots of nominations for Bruce, Neil Young, Robert Plant, Eric Clapton, the Stones. Makes Rob Thomas look like a young whippersnapper.
And, don't think I didn't notice that Bruce Springsteen's Devils & Dust was nominated in both rock and folk categories. Cheaters!
Best Alternative Music Album
- Funeral - The Arcade Fire -- OK this is great and all, and a real surprise that The Arcade Fire is even on the GRAMMY voters' radar, but don't you think that a band like Spoon finds this a teeny bit demoralizing?? Given that they've been around for years, have made several increasingly genius records, and are on the same label as The Arcade Fire. Sigh.
- Plans - Death Cab For Cutie -- This is a nomination for their increased profile, not the actual album. Because all their albums are equally as good.
- You Could Have It So Much Better -- Franz Ferdinand -- Am I the only one who thinks Franz Ferdinand won't be around next year?
- Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes -- Go Stripes!
Best Male R&B Vocal Performance
- Creepin' -- Jamie Foxx -- OMG is he going to run for President now? After the Awards show, he and Oprah are going to have to get a room.
Best Contemporary Soul Gospel Album
It's a grudge match!
- Dream -- BeBe Winans
VS. - Purified -- CeCe Winans
Best Recording Package -- This award is like a backhanded compliment for an artist. "Hello? Hi Mom. Yeah I was nominated for a GRAMMY but...Well yeah, it is for my latest album but... No, it wasn't for that song... No, not that one either... See, they give out this award for best album art...It really had nothing to do with my music...". I imagine it's the same way for Best Engineered Album (the songwriting and performance sucks, but man did the engineer get great sounds!)
And I leave you with the pièce de
résistance:
Best Long Form Music Video
- Trapped In The Closet (Chapters 1-5 )
R. Kelly
Bravo!
